I read some #PitchWars mentee blog posts, and decided to do my own (not this one). Problem was, it had been so long since I logged in on the laptop, I had no idea what my info was, and the computer was no longer logging me in automatically… lol. My last several posts have been from my phone. I figured it out, and when I got on the site, I looked at the sticky post – my logline. It was so old that the name of the book was way different than, let’s see… about a YEAR. LOL. So, I changed it. When I changed it, WordPress kindly offered suggestions about passive voice. I am a slave to changing passive voice most of the time. So, I did. That demanded a complete rewrite. And I love it! Here it is:
“Plagued by visions after her nanny dies, Next-Generation goddess Brandy Grey is convinced that the Fates rule all. It will take one choice, and the destruction of the Earth, to convince her that free will exists.”
The first line is basically the same, just turned around and non-passive (does that make it aggressive?). The second sentence, though… I like that one a LOT better. If anyone has any thoughts, however, let me know. I definitely want the perfect logline!